I’ve pondered this thought for a while and in fact, writing a blog post about it. Before I begin I would just like to say that this is in no way criticising anyone that has gone on to do these fantastic things I’m about to talk about, you’re all fabulous, but this is something for those of you, like myself, who feel pressured into life milestones and quite frankly, feel a bit lost.
Phew… now that’s done with.
For the past three years I’ve seen people go on to do fantastic things, things like moving out, getting their dream job, having kids and I have always compared myself and my life to theirs. For instance, let’s take moving out. When you hear that another person has ‘got their keys for their first home,’ you can’t help feeling a pang of jealousy and bitterness. The natural process is to then compare it to your own life. Why I am still living at home? Why have they done so well and I haven’t? What’s wrong with me? I have had all of these thoughts. I then proceed to hunt down affordable houses on google, because I want to be where they are and I want that slice of reaching a life milestone.
It’s taken me a long time to get out of this thought process and even still at times I sigh to myself when I see another happily engaged couple at the age of 24. It is hard to stop comparing.
I also found that the more I started comparing my life to other peoples the unhappier I got with my own but also, how much I resented everything that I did have. That nothing I had was good enough and that I must change.
However, life is not a race and if you are stuck in a bit of a rut then take a glance below at some helpful pointers.
Think about what you’re proud of
These things don’t need to be extravagant. Things such as going to meet new people when you find it terrifying, asking the person you like out on a date or finishing an essay. If you step out of your comfort zone, achieve or do something that you never thought would happen, these are all things that you should be proud of. These are the things that cannot be measured in expensive houses or high flying careers, but something you’d probably look back on in a few years and remember. For me, I’m proud of finishing university. When I’m being incredibly down on myself I always think back to this time and say to myself, you didn’t do too bad did you.
Stop obsessing with time scales
Time scales are nasty. I had a vision in my head that I’d be in my dream job and be moved out a year after finishing university and others wanted to be married and have kids by the time they’re 28. We always put time limits on everything. If we remove the time scale and say “I want to move out” or “I want to get married,” chances are, you’re more likely to than if you put a time scale on it. You remove the pressure. If you do things before your time limit, that’s great, but if you do things after, you feel disappointed that you didn’t reach your expectations. You don’t need to put time scales on anything, let things happen naturally. Which leads me on to my next point…
Stop trying to plan as nothing is always certain. There will always be something that will scupper your plans but the main thing is knowing how to deal with it when it happens. Life is much more exciting when you have no idea what’s round the corner. If things go the way you wanted, brilliant, but if things don’t, then that’s okay, you can deal with it. Everything is a learning curve and you don’t want to go through life with zero knockbacks because how will you learn from it?
You’re only young once
This is my favourite point of them all. I always think, you don’t want to be old and grey and regret things you didn’t do, I’d rather regret things I had done. House, marriage, kids and all the grown up stuff can come later, and that’s okay. Don’t feel guilty if you spend your money on the things that make you happy, for me, it’s clothes, make up and seeing friends. I know that if I stopped doing this I’d be miserable. Embrace how young you are.
I hope that this has helped anyone that feels down that they’re not where other people are, because it’s okay not to be. I’d like to think that this post has left some of you feeling positive and much happier (fingers crossed!) For those people are that are incredibly successful and done all of the life milestones I’ve talked about, spread the advice! Pass the knowledge on and give us rookies some words of wisdoms to help us out.